That's what I'm working on.
While I feel most of the time like wallowing, I'm trying to show some disciple. Like, getting to work on time. Like, getting some exercise to try to alleviate the feelings of being a punching bag at work. Like actually eating at least *some things* that are good for me.
And today, I went for a chair massage. I felt great until I got back to work. Oh well.
recently read:
Acito, Marc. How I paid for College
Cisneros, Sandra. Caramelo
Colbert, Stephen. I am America (and so can you)
Gardiner, Kay. Mason-Dixon Knitting Outside the Lines
in process:
Manley, Rachel. Slipstream: A daughter remembers
Paul, Marilyn. It's Hard to Make a Difference if You Can't Find Your Keys
Armstrong, Karen. The Spiral Staircase
Ackerman, Jennifer. Sex, Sleep, Eat, Drink, Dream: A Day in the Life of Your Body
this I stole from devillibrarian
Things you’ve already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven’t done and don’t want to - leave in plain font
1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world. (both)
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo.
11. Bungee jumped.
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Walked a marathon.
28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo's David in person.
41. Sung Karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood.
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible. (several times)
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox.
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury. (almost. I get another chance in January)
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake. (hey, but I've swam in two Great Lakes)
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
My partner, my beloved, and I broke up a week ago. Like you might expect, I've been rollercoastering through the emotions: despondent, sad, angry, sad, vaguely optimistic, sad, despondent.
Yesterday, I got to work and was having some real problems staying awake, like I did when I first started at this job and I was falling asleep with no provocation and no control. I ended up going home and going to bed.
Today, I've gotten to work and can't stop crying. I think this is quite possibly worse than narcolepsy.
I'm reading Kate Bornstein's excellent Hello, Cruel World right now, and I can't recommend it enough. She has a wonderful voice and it's so funny and sweet and pulls no punches.
She mentions a lot of books, books that I want to read. That aren't available in my library system. So I'm making the list, and I'll get these later, most likely...
The Hand Drawn Map Association. Of course. I was thinking of creating some maps, well before I knew about this. Some of the maps here are really great.
Cartophilia blog. Some nice examples of maps in advertising and media.
I've been almost all about music of late. I've been working a lot (at the good new job) and reading a lot but music seems to work as both a prop, a crutch, a pillow. I've been thinking about hard things, thinking about doing hard things. Not sure that I have the strength right now, the energy. We'll see what happens, if changes are made, or if it all goes through the wash.
But anyways. There have been some things that have been getting a workout on the iPod:
- Ida's My Fair, My Dark from the Believer 25th Issue Compilation - there is so much of this album that is unlistenable, so it was a shock to come across this wonderful, luscious, dirge. It doesn't seem like it has a hook, but it does, brothers and sisters, it does. It's a David Schickele cover (yes, PDQ Bach's late brother).
- Veda Hille's This Riot Life - I've been unable to stop listening to this album, based on songs from the United Church of Canada hymnal. There is something irresistable about the repurposing of church music for me, especially with Hille's voice and arrangements, and this album touches on all the high points: joy, pain, anger, grief. While I loved Spine, which was the most accessible of her work, I'm almost glad she's moved away from that older sound.
- Regina Spektor's Begin to Hope album. Just lovely.
- Nina Nastasia's Bird of Cuzco. This has been one of my favorite things to sing on the freeway, scooting to work. Don't know why. It just sticks in my head like peanut butter in your teeth.
- The Raincoats' Fairytale in the Supermarket - I don't need an explanation for that one, do I?
- Aimee Mann's I'm with Stupid. Aw!
- And the usual obsessive Neko Case/New Pornographers problem...
Likewise, I flew through Barbara Novak's The Margaret-Ghost, an odd, wonderful novel about an academic writing about 18th century proto-feminist Margaret Fuller. Fuller wrote about how women should have the same right to education, and the right to participate in intellect conversation (with men), but in the end, she traded high-level discourse for domestic life with an illiterate man. Meanwhile, as the academic is assembling her notes, she finds that her life is echoing Fuller's in some discomforting ways.
Which sets me to think about women in love. I've certainly been guilty in the past of being a little unhinged in the past when confronted with someone that I'm really interested in. But I feel like that's been a symptom of being young, and feeling powerless in the world. While I'm not single now, I can't imagine that I would ever go back to being that passive wallflower waiting for someone else to express interest, waiting for an opportunity that might never come.
But when it happens the next time: when I'm single and interested, or even not interested, am I just going to watch from the river shore, or am I going to jump in? I know it's way too simple, the way I'm looking at it. But I refuse to be afraid of life. I've been afraid for way too long.
I'm super excited about State by State: A Panoramic Portrait of America, a book that is "resurrects an effort from the 1930s, when the WPA created the Federal Writers' Project, commissioning America's writers to describe their states." Many of my favorite authors have written chapters for it. Alas, it's not out until September.
But... Joe Sacco writes about Oregon! Carrie Brownstein about Washington! Mohammed Naseehu Ali about Michigan! (Okay, I'm not familiar with that last author. Must research...)
And just a pile of other folks I love like Dave Eggers, John Hodgman, Sarah Vowell, Anthony Bourdain, Susan Orlean, Jack Hitt, David Rakoff, and Alison Bechdel -- I am besides myself with joy! And impatience!
So, of course, I've been trawling worldcat looking for the original State by State project. I've found a title or two about Oregon:
Willamette landings, ghost towns of the river. (aka Willamette landings)
by Howard McKinley Corning; Federal Writers' Project (Or.)
worldcat link - Multnomah County Library
979.5 C81
Oregon, end of the trail
by Writers' Program (OR)
worldcat link - Multnomah County Library
917.95 F29
oh, and fun fact for you Portlanders - US 30 is the Oregon Trail! It runs... from the Missouri River... to the Pacific Ocean!
The Oregon trail : US 30 : the Missouri River to the Pacific Ocean
by Federal Writers' Project of the Works Progress Administration.
worldcat link (three libraries own this; none on the Oregon Trail, natch. 2 of them are in the Netherlands!)
Michigan, a guide to the Wolverine State.
by Writers' Program (Mich.); Federal Writers' Project.
worldcat link
I've managed, in 4 days, to lose 12 pounds.
Monday, I weighed 237.6 and I was very unhappy about it.
Today (Thursday), I weigh 225.0, and I look like hell.
Nothing like a dose of the stomach flu. I seem to be past the feverishness, and a lot of the pain/achiness. Unfortunately, my body is still very unhappy. And my sweetie has just come down with this, and vomits within an hour of ingesting any water. Oh yeah, he's pretty. Oh my.
I'm well-enough that I'm hungry and really wanting social contact. I'm right now on a clear liquid diet until I can start keeping things down. And given that I'm not keeping things down, I can't leave the house, really. (Though I may go to the store, because I can't stand it).
I got a copy of Mapplethorpe's Lady Lisa Lyon, which I had had in the 80s and have been obsessed with getting over the last year, and a copy of the History of Lesbian Hair, which is not about history or hair at all - and I'm tired of them both. I've watched all the library videos. I've read Mefi and askmefi and ravelry, compulsively read everything about I can find about my hot-topic issues of librarianship and trans-sex/gender issues and queer stuff and knitting (which if this were handwriting would be surrounded by hearts and flowers). There's more, there's always more. But I just want to be away from the house. Well, dagnabit.
A few weeks back, my transmission ceased working while I was climbing a hill on Highway 26. I got to the top of the Sylvan exit, and the car would move no more.
A lot of hand-wringing followed, and I ended up having the car towed out to a transmission shop in the suburb where I'm working these days. A grand later, and a replaced clutch, I drove it back home. And then the electrical entirely cut out. So I took it to a well-regarded shop in town. Another grand later, they say it should be able to limp along for another 30 to 50 thousand miles. Given that I drive about 6 thousand miles a year, that's a quite a long time.
I drove the car home, and the next time I got in, my check engine light was on. So I bring it back in. It can't be a big deal, right? Actually, it appears it might be.
I've been a little anxious lately -- I think I'm not getting enough exercise, not seeing enough friends, probably not getting enough sunlight -- just in general. I've been having a hard time shaking it. And this just doesn't help!
